Friday, April 10, 2009

My Question Short Skirts & 13 yr old out of control

*Short Skirts*

I'm surprised the school allows her to alter the uniform. It's really not "uniform" if her's is shorter. I would think that she wants to be a little sexy if she is shortening her skirt. Women want to be sexy and at 17 she is probably just starting to experiment with her sex appeal. However, school is not the proper place. In the workforce, I am required to keep a certain professional look. When I hang out with my friends or go out, I like to look kinda sexy. I think your daughter should maintain a certain professionalism in school.

Brings back memories.... I went to an all girls Catholic HS (although the boys were on the other side of the building), and we used to roll our skirts to make them shorter. There was this very rigid VP that used to stand in the hallway handing out demerits for every little thing. Rolling your skirt was one of them. I laugh about it now, but at the time I found it ridiculous! I believe her thinking was that the focus should be on education, not on distractions such as this. And a uniform is worn so that everyone can be the same, and no one is singled out or made to feel different. However, I don't see how rolling or hemming your skirt is such a big deal if it's not too short. But if it's so short that it becomes a distraction or a problem in school, I think you shld do something about it.

Concerned, I used to do exactly the same thing. It was the late 60's early 70's and the mini skirt was in fashion. Not with our Woman Advisor who used to stalk the corridors looking for the slightest trace of make-up or anything non-uniform. Skirts had to be no more than 1 inch above the knee. I had one of those broad clipped elasticbelts which covered the roll. Never thought about it at the time but it must have put a few inches on my waistline doing that.
Now that I am am more mature and work in education, I can see some of the reasoning behind a lot of the rules, but as concerned says, as long as it is not so short it causes distractions then what is the harm.

*13 yr old out of control*

Im not sure where to start at this point Im lost and not sure what to do. My daughter is 13. I swear going on 21. She is so wanting to grow up so fast. For the most part she is good kid, Outside of me, she is respectful and kind. She is good in school, in soccer on a premier team this summer she kept busy babysitting and making money. Lately, actually the last year, I;ve been loosing touch. Last year during schhol she skipped school with a boy, to the point I had to take and pick her up from school. Any technology she abuses, cell phone, computer. etc. and everything is a secret. Into witch craft and inspired by goths/or emo's I believe thats what there called, wanting to wear make-up, wearing black. I've recently found a myspace profile that I was unware of, and she was communicating with older boys 18+. and the things she would say, just to be cool was crazy. I couldnt believe it. I feel like she is doing anything and everything to get negative attention. I've talked to her about the make-up/the boys/and the abuse of her cell phone etc. She swears she will never do it again.. this has been said several times after being punished and her cell phone being taking away. I fianally gave her phone back just to take it away in less the 2 days, for abusing it again. After giving her the rules. Her explantation is I wanted to. Im so fustrated that today..I actually blew up and I said some things that I now regret. Its a constant battle to keep her at her own age 13. What is going on. I understand that she wants to be her own person, but there's a limit. I feel like she just wants to be a follower, but at the same time she makes her own decisions and does her own things. Im confused on what to do. I dont want to loose my daughter to BS. But she says that she doesnt want to talk to me, she never wants to talk to me. I offered writing in a journel as a diary to eachother back and forth..but she refuses and hasnt done that. She is a wonderful writer, I know she can communicate. Whats going on. and how do i redirected all her negativity.

I feel for you. A friend of mine has a 13 year old girl who's pretty well behaved and then we both have 7 (soon to be 8 year old girls) who we are constantly wondering about as far as how they will be when they are teens. We have the "if they were anything like us" talks that scare the crap out of us. It's good that you are so concerned and that you are trying to give her options so she can open up to you. With the phone.....I'm sorry, but I would just take it away indefinitely. At least until you've seen a change in her that is considerable. And the computer I'd limit to "school only" work. I remember doing some pretty stupid things when I was a teen over a boy. We moved also after I met him and I still found a way to keep in contact with him by calling one of his friends and giving him the new number. I would sneak out of the house at night to meet up with him. You want to have control and monitor what she is doing without completely restricting everything she does. If you still need to pick her up and drop her off from school I would do that. Keep her in activities and heck add some more on. lol I'm serious....keep her busy. I have my daughter involved in 3 activities ALL the time because as she gets older I want her to have little time to misbehave. Make a point to have to meet/speak to every child's parent that she is going to be in contact with. I never understood why my mother never did this. Wouldn't we as parents want to make sure we knew the parents of the children our child is hanging out with? Stop giving her money also. If her behavior doesn't change don't buy her new clothes, CD's, whatever. I wouldn't let her babysit either to make money. Nix the phone and the computer. And the home phone, don't allow her to answer it anymore and take her phone out of the bedroom if she has one in there. All these things are privileges that need to be earned back over time when her behavior is much better.

Good Luck!

I can't say my situation was as bad as yours sounds, but I did have some problems with my daughter and the computer.

I used spyware to monitor her computer use without her knowing. That way I knew everything she was up to and she had no idea how I was finding out. There are programs available that allow you to do that.

I used one I saw in Oprah's magazine, Spector Pro. It won't solve everything but it will let you see what is going on, it sounds like your eyes are open already but I was shocked to say the least to see what my girl was up to.

Sorry, but I think it's wrong as a 14 year old to do something like that, spying and taking away their privacy.

Instead, you should try to talk to your child. How would feel if you know people were watching your every move online? I sure you wouldn't like it.

I know it seems hard, but I am highly against going through your child's thing without them knowing. Perhaps I shouldn't be talking, as a 14 year old, but I think that if your child respects your privacy, you should respect theirs.


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